...but it's just something I've held in for too long and I still do feel the same way now and then. It's something you guys won't really understand and I don't completely expect you to.

Anyway, although I know these people should never be the reason why I don't want to be here anymore. Yes, I have some friends and family but I don't know where my life is going and with the pain I've been going through, it feels a lot easier to actually end everything. I just want to sleep the pain away. I don't want to wake up tomorrow feeling the same shit over and over. It feels like nothing has gotten better, nothing will be okay.

Let it out

I got a bit too messy again last night and let it all out.
I'm sorry I made you guys worry about me but it's just something I've held in for too long and I still do feel the same way now and then. It's something you guys won't really understand and I don't completely expect you to.

Anyway, although I know these people should never be the reason why I don't want to be here anymore, it's also because I feel like I have nothing to live for. Yes, there are friends and family but I don't know where my life is going and with the pain I've been going through, it feels a lot easier to actually end everything. I just want to sleep the pain away. I don't want to wake up tomorrow feeling the same shit over and over. It feels like nothing has gotten better, nothing will be okay.

Or maybe I'm too influenced by watching Skins(UK) ... ahh, Elizabeth Stonem. I love her.

Mum just brought her new boyfriend home. He flew from Melbourne just to see her which is quite sweet. Reminds me of my own story. Lol. I do hope he treats her well, if not, I am pretty in the mood to break someones neck right now. It may as well be him if he fucks her over. I don't really care if I'm hurting anymore, just as long as the people close to me don't get hurt.

heartless

I used to be a selfish brat.
Shit happens, now I'm fucking selfless.

I just want to be like Elisabeth Stonem.

These words are my heart and soul.

You can only pretend to smile for so long but you know that deep down, you're still longing for him to return, even though you know there isn't the slightest chance that he will.

I would be in denial if I said I didn't miss you at all.