spill my heart for you;

I wish things were so much easier to say.. especially to my mum; the truth, confessions, confrontations, anything and everything I have on my mind, what troubles me and keeps me awake at night. But it's so difficult I can only find myself doing these things when I'm under the influence but even then, when I'm about to click send, I chicken out.

Because I know what I'm about to say will hurt. I don't want to hurt her but I don't want to keep these things from her... So I vent, now, here at this moment.

I wish;

- I finished school, got into University.

- Had a better job.

- Wasn't so slack at everything.

- Showed my appreciation when she did things for me such as the smallest things; helping her around the house, doing things for myself.

- Didn't start smoking, doing drugs.

All of this, and many more. I can change, but it takes time.

I do regret some things, but without it, I wouldn't be here now, with my boyfriend, the person I thought would be 'the one'. She knows how much I love him, she's so jealous because I love him so much...

She doesn't know I love her, I wish I was better.

I can wish now... but I still won't do anything about it.. and I hate myself.