Crappy New Years

Eyes are hurting, face is burning, hands are a tad bruised.

This is probably by far the worst new year I have ever had.

I'd expected it to be the greatest and all because for the first time, I got to spend it with my boyfriend. The person I truly do love the most. . after family of course.

I'm feeling a bit lost right now, crying since 2:30pm. I make it sound as if everything's over when it's not. Well, maybe just for a while, who knows how long this break will go. As far as I'm concerned, I'm about to turn back now and talk to him again but I'd be weak for asking for the break and coming back to make it all better again. I don't want to do that, even if it might be my fault.....

But seriously, telling me he'd be over ... I forgot to mention, it's our 5 month anniversary today, and along with new years, I was hoping to be spending this whole day with him, or at least for last few hours of 1/1/11. Too bad, it had to rain and we'd woken up at 1:30pm. It's never stopped him before, maybe on my work nights because it's pointless right? it takes him over an hour to get to my place, in today's case, he'd be here at approximately 4-5pm and would only get to spend 1-2 hours with me. At least, time's still better spendt with him than without. Even 5 minutes is enough, really, just as long as I got to see him.

I don't know. Yeah, it's my fault for wanting the break. I went a bit too far on that, I'm going a little bit crazy. Throwing tantrums and taking my anger out on the wall but it's nothing, not as much pain gained from that as the feeling of missing him so much ........

Argh, even though it's a break, I'll still be so pissed off if he goes out tonight.

I don't know what to do. 2011 doesn't look too bright for me.

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Deactivated Facebook because I felt like cutting communication with people. Reactivated it because I'm a Facebook addict, only to see posts of lovey dovey's spending precious time with their boyfriends on new years...........

& I'm missing something.