in this life, im failing... at everything.

Okay, I know this is my second post but I'm freaking bored and desperately need to vent - I don't even know why but I feel as if all of my emotions are bottling up inside and I'm about to explode.

For one, my life in general, is shit. I have no life, I sit at home and use the computer most of the day or I'm out. I don't even have money to go out yet I'm still surviving and I have my many awesome friends to thank and yus, I must pay you guys back when I can! -Sigh- I need a job so bad. I doubt my friends mum is going to call me when she needs people to work. I know you guys are probably thinking "stop lazing around, get out and find a job or go back to studying!" but yeah.. it's not as easy as you think it is! Since we are going through a recession, applying anywhere seems to be useless anyway and it's past mid year for TAFE so my only chance is applying now to study next year! I don't even know what I want to do in the future. At the moment, I'm just a freaking bum. Heh!

Friends - I'm becoming so lost with my friends. Sometimes I don't even think they see me as a friend or I feel left out and all. What has annoyed me the most is the fact that I've become so dependent on my best friend, who now has a boyfriend - feels like I've been forgotten at times. We used to hang out a lot but it's all changed now. Even other friends, feels like they've drifted. I feel as if the only friend I have now is myself.. Although Maverick is always there for me 24/7 and he is my best friend as well :)
It's funny how close you are to someone one minute and the next it's all faded. Just like a minutes been wasted. You spent so much time building your trust with someone only to let it slip away. Ehhh~

Family - I'm not so close. I don't talk to my family much and I rather not. I kind of feel left out at home as well, like when my mum said I was adopted, maybe I was? Lol. Oh, then again, I was the accident in the family. Shocking, I know right? I was pretty damn upset when I found out. I just felt like running away again and not come back.. But I'd never. I love my family a lot, it may not seem like it because I never show my emotions to them but deep down I really love them. Why's it so hard for me to show? I showed only once and that was probably last week when my mum broke down and cried, I was there to comfort her. It felt nice. Why can't I do that everyday? Puck you life, Puck you Wendy.

Love - HAHA. Oh, Love. LOVE LOVE FUCKING LOVE. I have to admit, I'm loving the current crush right now. And I wasn't being sarcastic! What I mean is, I like him to this point.. I don't know. It's hard to explain but I love this feeling. Lol.
It goes: Girl loves boy but boy doesn't love girl. Simple. But I can't get that to my head. There's something there, I can sense it. Usually when a guy doesn't like me back, I'd be like "fuck you, I hate that I love you" and go all emo bullshit. But I think there's something about this guy that just keeps pulling me back? It's become a habit, talking to him at night - I can't stand not talking to him! I think I'd go crazy, insane.. MENTAL? Haha. Call it an obsession, I think I'm in deep like! :) I don't like to use the word LOVE! Hmmm yeah. He makes me smile even though he doesn't say anything special. Even in my crappiest days, anything he says! Even if it's stupid, he still manages to make me smile. Never once have I really cried over him.. Well, I kinda dropped two tears but how often does that happen? I usually cry a freaking river after rejection but ahhhhhhh~~~~ I think this one is for keeps. I just hope he doesn't make me wait tooooooo long =/

LoL! . . I miss you :D


( You try, you fail. You try, you fail again. But the real failures are the ones that never try or give up too easily - taxed off Cindy!)

Zuhmygod. I wrote that last night, how retarded, lmfao!